Harry Potter and the Epic Adventure of Inevitability
by Doobiedee
Summary: The epic adventure and dangerous challenge Harry Potter was always going to have to face.
Dear reader,

We have all heard the tale of Harry Potter, who had been through many adventures. He was the boy who lived, the chosen one, the one who stopped Voldemort and the Death Eaters and a really badass quidditch player. But there is of course, most intelligent reader, an untold tale, a challenge, left for our brave wizard to face, something which he was always going to have to do at some point in his life, but was mysteriously never shown in the books or movies. This is that adventure.

Harry Potter one day opened the fridge to find out that there was no milk left. Sure, there were plenty of magical ways to solve that problem, but he couldn't be bothered right now and needed to get out of the house anyway. So instead he walked outside and went down the street to the local corner store in London. Owned by a muggle named Greg, Harry requested to purchase some milk, which Greg kindly accepted and the transaction was completed. Harry returned home and put the milk in the fridge, ensuring that if anyone in the house ever required milk, there would be some waiting for them in the fridge.

And that is the end, my most astonished reader. I know… a truly incredible story, and one you no doubt should recover from. Seeing as you got through that magical epic, you might as well take a glance at the author's note for a brief aside. It's just a small comment I added in for the sake of clarification.

Author's note: As an aside, tagged on to this epic adventure, I feel like I should develop the character of Greg. Many of you likely find Greg most mysterious indeed. Who is this man? Why is he here in such a crucial part of the story, yet not mentioned before or ever again? How is it that Greg came to be the owner of such a vital corner store? While this information is not vital for the completion or enjoyment of the above tale, I feel like I should tell you regardless, simply for those of you that are curious.

To the entire world, Greg is a simple man. He works every weekday and for an hour on Saturday at his own store, maintaining the upkeep for his cacti farm that he tends to as a hobby and can proudly say is the greatest cacti farm in the entire nation. Cacti fanatics all around tell tales of the wonder of Greg's farm, and speak its location in hushed whispers after dark, speaking in the code of cacti lovers, undecipherable to all who are not members of the Church of the Great Cactus. But, of course, my astute reader, you must be no doubt questioning: "But Doobiedee, surely it would take more than the meagre earnings of a corner store owner to fund the development and maintenance of such a glorious cacti farm?" And indeed, you would be correct. For Greg is not just a simple store owner, as the world perceives him to be, but is in fact a master criminal!

You see, my most attentive reader, Greg began his criminal career several years ago, after the tragic death of his first cactus. Greg was distraught. Even before this time he had been a friend to all cacti kind, treating them with the respect and devotion so few humans had shown cacti before. You see, most astute reader, Greg's one true love was a cactus. He met her even before he owned the corner store, when cacti were simply known as "those prickly plants" and most people referred to them as "cactuses" … truly a dark time indeed, my fair reader, I would not be surprised if you needed to take a break after reading of such travesty. Once you have gathered yourself again, we may continue.

He was a kind hearted man with a unique dream. She was a young and adventurous Aeonium arboreum, a cactus native to the Canary Islands, named Cindy. They were two lonely souls, unsure of their place in the world and needing comfort. Her family did not approve of their love, his friends warned him to stay away, saying she was too prickly for a long term relationship. Still, they did not listen, longing to be with each other too much. Only they really understood each other. Eventually they ran away together, moving to the big city to start a new life, away from the old rivalries between humans and cacti. It is there that Greg bought the store, having spent the last of the money he saved up when planning to run away with Cindy in order to purchase and stock it. He vowed he would use the income to take care of her and make sure she was well looked after. However it wasn't enough.

Cindy began to suffer and fade away. The soil was very dry in the city, and everyone knows that Aeonium arboreum need to be watered thoroughly if they only have access to dry soil. But the city water just wasn't the same as the water back home, not as clean, and Cindy fell ill. The hospital bills were too high to continue paying. Greg offered to sell the store in order to be able to pay the hospital bills for the next month, but Cindy refused. The store was their only source of income; it was her wish that Greg, one of the few humans to show compassion for cacti, would create a safe haven for her kind. Not just for Aeonium arboreum, but for all cacti - Aeolanthus parviflorus, Adromischus undulates, Aeonium pseudotabulaeforme, even Agave desertii and Agave desmettiana variegate.

And so, as Cindy passed away, Greg, ever faithful, kept his word. He used the earnings from the store to begin building his cactus garden, taking care and protecting them to the best of his abilities. But, just as before, it was not enough. Greg was not willing to break his promise to Cindy, but the store could not support his task. So, he considered alternate options. He had watched all of Breaking Bad and The Wire, so he considered himself as an expert in criminal activities. He took to the night, on his new mission, to gain money for the cacti. However Greg was still a kind hearted man. He felt that stealing was wrong deep inside of him. However, after much deliberation, he decided that perhaps stealing from the rich, aristocrats that looked down on cacti as being sub-human scum would be suitable. So, much like Robin Hood, he decided to start stealing from the rich and give to the poor, in this case the poor being cacti. He almost messed up a few times, being new to the criminal life. However, a new cacti friend of his who he had started looking after had caught on to what he was trying to do and offered him a few tips. His name was Rodriguez, he was an Adromischus undulates, and it turned out he used to be quite the expert thief back in his day. With his guidance, Greg was able to become a shadow in the darkness, silently and swiftly stealing from those who had wronged the cacti in order to fund his cacti farm. And thus we have reached where Greg is now, selling milk to none other than Harry Potter, where a great deal of the earnings go towards maintaining his small paradise for cacti everywhere. And while the store in question is owned by Greg, it is still named, simply – "Cindy's". Isn't that just wonderful, my cute and cuddly reader?


End file.
